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|| News Item: Posted 2001-09-28

Road Warrior: Are We Screwed? Yes- but the Pizza is safe!
By Mongo

Are we screwed yet?

Maybe yes, maybe no. It kind of depends on where you are flying.

Mongo has been busy cooling her heels, killing time cause she got to the airport 2 hours early for a domestic flight, just like the airlines and the mass media recommend. "Oh the lines for security will be long" and " there's no more curbside check in"

Know what?

It's BS!

There are no long lines at the security screening area because the same minimum wage, know nothing, automatons, are still manning the machines. The only extra training they seem to have received is recognizing and confiscating nail clippers, nail files, and tweezers (I'm not kidding).

Oh yeah, they have managed to amass an awesome collection of Leatherman tools as well.

I suppose you could make an argument that they're helping boost the economy by making all those pissed off flyers have to go out and purchase replacement Leathermans.

Photo by
However, one thing that IS safe at the airport is PIZZA! Mongo was hungry before a recent flight and stopped for a BBQ chicken pie at a Wolfgang Puck's. When I opened the box after sitting down in the lounge I found a WHOLE pizza pie that's right, UNCUT. When I took the pizza back to counter and asked for it to be sliced up as usual, I was told "Sorry, security took away all the pizza cutters" You have to hold it and eat it or use a plastic knife yourself to cut it."

There are no long lines at security because you can't enter the gate area without a ticket. This is actually a good thing, cause it cuts down on all those gacks that crowd the jet way exit, welcoming passengers or seeing them off.

There are no long lines at security because all the passengers are trapped at the ticket counters. On a flight from LAX last week I timed the different check in lines. Coach, 45 minutes. First Class & Premier, 30 minutes. 1k & VIP, 15 minutes. At DIA the times were similar.

Psssst I've got a little secret. Want to avoid those lines?

The skycaps are still working!

True, they can't do curbside check in anymore, BUT they can they can take you and your baggage inside to a "special" check in counter set up just for the skycaps! This is usually a station away from the regular counters or at some airports they take you to the ODD SIZE or OVERSIZE counter.

Be sure to tip generously, cause these folks have taken a beating over the last few weeks.

(Mongo Johnson, a former flight attendant on the Spruce Goose, currently is a travel consultant working in eastern Montana.)

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