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|| SportsShooter.com: News Item: Posted 2006-05-29
Photodude: Take The Quiz
The Photodude is just back from a WAAAAY extended layoff from you slack-asses. How do you expect the Dude to be writing columns for the likes of you whiners and wannabes when I was partying with the Stones at the Super Bowl, kicking it with Tiger at the Masters, and serving as Matt Leinart and Paris Hilton's driver in Phoenix?
What do you wear kneepads for?
You people fill my inbox with questions complaining about EVERYBODY AND EVERYTHING in your decrepit little society---the yellow-jacketed security, the court-runners and the dishholders of the world (seriously, "dishholders"...you let those fleas actually bother you?).
Like my man Michael Jackson once said, "take a look at the man in the mirror".
So I ask: what about YOU? What kind of Sportsshooter are YOU?
Take my quiz, then read'em and weep....
1. I use a monopod:
a. When shooting 400/f2.8 or 600/f4 lenses (+3 points)
b. For my 70-200/f2.8 IS lens (0 pts)
c. For my Sigma 27-193mm/f 3.6-7.4 lens (-1)
d. I refuse to use a monopod at all, because I think I look like a badass, but I sometimes miss pictures as a result (-5 pts)
2. I wear kneepads:
a. Only to shoot football games (+3)
b. I refuse to wear kneepads because I don't want to look geeky when I run (+1)
c. I don't have kneepads but will wrap plastic bags around my knees to keep them dry when kneeling in the rain, so I look geeky (-2)
d. I wear kneepads to my annual review (-5)
3. My idea of "appropriate dress" is:
a. Whatever I feel like will make my subjects comfortable and help me blend in (+5)
b. A tie wherever I go, because that's what Rich Clarkson says to do, even if I'm covering Burning Man (-1)
c. T-shirt and jeans to a funeral, but hey, no one told me that was my assignment today (-3)
d. A photo vest (-5)
4. I post to the Sportsshooter.com message board:
a. When I have something relevant to say (+5)
b. Whenever I can, just to be part of the community and get my name out there (0 pts)
c. All the time, whether I have anything relevant to add or not (-1)
d. Only if the topic is cars (-3)
5. "Court-runners" are:
a. Fools who only look out for themselves, at the expense of others (+4)
b. Ignorant of the basic rules...of common decency (+2)
c. People who just get caught up in the moment and make a mistake (+0)
d. Defended by people who also INSIST on putting black borders on their digital photos (-5)
6. I enter contests:
a. As a fun way to measure myself against my peers (+4)
b. Only when I think I have a chance to win (+2)
c. Because my boss tells me to (+0)
d. Unless black-borders are NOT allowed, at which time I will publicly announce that "I WILL NEVER LET A CONTEST ORGANIZER DEFINE MY ART", of course, until it is time to enter, at which time I will throw my principles in the nearest trash can, and then enter my images without the border I so publicly ranted about." (-5)
7. I can correctly spell the last names of the following Sports Shooter chiefs:
a. Brad M. (+1)
b. Mike T. (+2)
c. Robert H. (+3)
d. Grover S. (+5)
8. The most I would pay for a red Canon monopod cover is:
The most you would pay for a red Canon monopod cover is?
a. I'd never use one ---do I look like I'm in COLLEGE?! (+4)
b. It's a stinkin' piece of red nylon...ARE YOU SERIOUS?! (+2)
c. I shoot Nikon, a-hole, you'd have to pay ME! (+0)
d. $25.00 (-5)
9. I look at my "fixed member page counter"
a. What are you talking about? (+5)
b. Look, I'm uncomfortable talking about anything have to do with my member (+3)
c. Occasionally --- but really, why is it there? (+0)
d. Daily. It's a measure of my manhood, and I'll gladly post it on the message board so everyone knows how cool I am. (-5)
10. SportsShooter.com is:
a. The best source of news and information not only about sports photography, but photography in general (+4)
b. A good place to find good used gear from reputable people (+3)
c. The first site I look at each morning and the last one each night (+0)
d. MY LIFE, MAN, IT'S LIKE...MY LIFE...AND WHAT ABOUT THOSE SPORTSSHOOTER EMAIL ADDRESSES YOU PROMISED US?!!! (-5)
Well, dudes, that's the quiz.
Grade yourself according to the following:
40+ points -- All-pro
30+ points -- Everyday starter
20+ points -- Journeyman
Below that -- Park league washout
Okay, my peeps, that's it for this edition. Keep the love mail, hate mail, rants and raves coming to Photodude@sportsshooter.com
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