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|| SportsShooter.com: News Item: Posted 2005-12-22
Photodude: What I've Learnt This Year
The Photodude returns this month after serving as a "special consultant" to Tony Dungy, a marriage counselor for Nick and Jessica, and a moustache stylist for Gonzaga's Adam Morrison. The Dude, in his continuing quest for better educmacation, has also enrolled at the local community college ("Go, you fighting Central Lakes College- Brainerd Raiders!). This being finals week, the Dude has chosen to combine his column with his final essay for English 104 1/2.
Photo by Brad Mangin
Jose Canseco taught the Photodude more than he wished to know about steroids, needles, and male buttocks.
"What I've Learnt This Year"
by The Photodude
What a year it's been in the worlds of sports, photography, and well, sports photography. Here's some of the many things I learned this year (in no particular order, since this IS only community college):
-- I learned that Robert Hanashiro is NOT the Photodude (WAY too busy).
-- When Matt Leinart and the Men of Troy won the 2005 Rose Bowl, they were just getting started.
-- During last year's NFL playoffs, I learned that "T.O." didn't mean "Time Out", or "TurnOver", or even "Terrell Owens". After he played in the Super Bowl, I learned it meant, "Terrific Overachiever". Little did I know that seven months later it would mean "Terrell Outcast".
-- I learned that people are blaming soft images on their Canon EOS 1D Mark II's.
-- Minnesota Vikings head coach Mike Tice got caught scalping his Super Bowl tickets. I learned that even though he made a lot of money on them, he made thousands more scalping tickets for the Viking's Annual Off-Week Love Cruise around Lake Minnetonka.
-- I learned that Brad Mangin is NOT the Photodude (WAY too good of a writer).
-- Jose Canseco taught me more than I wished to know about steroids, needles, and male buttocks (and I hadn't even seen "Brokeback Mountain" yet).
-- In March, Congress taught me that government has more interest in baseball and steroids than it does poverty and education.
-- The Congressional Steroid hearings also taught me that Rafael Palmeiro "NEVER EVER" would use steroids. Months later, Palmeiro taught me he's a big fat liar.
-- Barry Bonds taught me that the media is destroying his family. At the same time, "the Clear and the Cream" might have been shrinking his testicles...
-- I learned that Grover Sanschagrin is not the Photodude (WAY too cool).
-- At Augusta, during the Masters, Tiger Woods taught me that it IS possible to hit a ball from the back left edge on 16, tapping it ever so slightly at a 90-degree angle, just so, letting the ball follow
gravity's path down the green, under the windmill, through the clown's mouth, between the legs of the Great Emancipator, and into the hole, earning another green jacket.
-- People blamed the steroids issue in baseball on their Canon Mark II's.
-- Steve Nash of the Phoenix Suns proved to me that a short, white Canadian dude can do the most American of things....win the NBA MVP award? No, criticize the president of the United States.
Photo by Brad Mangin
Rafael Palmeiro taught the Dude he's a big fat liar.
-- Danica Patrick races a fast car in the Indianapolis 500, and nearly beats the boys. I learned that hey, if you do a google search of images of her, you find some really hot....oops. Wrong column.
-- Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France for the 106th time, this time married to singer Sheryl Crow. After immediately retiring, Armstrong vowed to win it again next year, only this time married to Heath Ledger.
-- I learned that Darren Carroll could be the Photodude (WAY too logical?).
-- FEMA head Mike Browne taught me that just because you have a powerful position in government, doesn't mean you have the guts and courage to be strong in a time of disaster. But SportsShooter.com member Brian Blanco reaffirms my belief in humanity when he risks his job and his life to help member Joy Absalon's father in the aftermath.
-- Sportsshooter members blame Hurricane Katrina on their Mark II's.
-- Heisman winner Matt Leinart of USC enrolls in only one class for fall quarter -- "Ballroom Dancing". Which just plain weirds me out.
-- Someone told me that two Carolina Panthers NFL cheerleaders were the Photodude. I thought, "SWEET -- I can't wait for the video!"
-- Those same Carolina Panthers cheerleaders blame their public sex and drunkeness on Canon Mark II's.
-- Chicago finally won the World Series, ending years of frustration for embattled fans. Then I learned it was the WHITE SOX, not the Cubs. My bad.
-- After a heated exchange on the Sportsshooter.com message boards, I learned not to mess with big bad Michael Treola of the Sportshooter.com staff when he wrote (http://www.sportsshooter.com/message_display.html?tid=18609)..."This thread is OVER!!! No more posts unless you want something bad to happen.". Damn. He MIGHT BE the Photodude!
-- I learned that the Chicago Bears and the Seattle Seahawks finally had good football teams. I blame it on my Canon Mark II's.
-- And the most important thing I learned all year: a lousy red nylon monopad cover with the word "Canon" emblazoned on it, is worth $40.00. Can't blame that on anyone.
Well kids, that's it. That's what I learned this year. What will next year bring? Send your thoughts and predictions to me at Photodude@SportsShooter.com
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