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|| News Item: Posted 2004-09-08

Photodude: Watt A Question
By Photodude

Photo by

How many members does it take to change a light bulb?
The Photodude returns from a sun-filled month in Athens, where he partied with the Brazilians, drank with the Greeks, and beat Larry Brown like a drum in "NBA Live 2004" just in time to receive his jury summons in Eagle, Colorado. However, he suddenly has time on his hands to answer your questions.

In the past two months he has received many queries, ranging from "How come Carmelo didn't play in the bronze medal game" to "Why did many of the Olympics venues look like they were filled with less fans than a Montreal Expos regular season game?" to "Are you sure the reason that Lance didn't race in the Olympics is because he didn't want to get busted for doping?" and finally, "What are the odds that Britney Spears will play Kobe's accuser in the made-for-TV movie?" (50-50, in case you're wondering).

From the dozens of your missives, he chose THIS ONE to answer this month:

Dear Photodude,
How many members does it take to change a light bulb?


Wanting a Thoughtful Topic

Dear WATT,

Interesting question, easy answer. Here you go:

1 to post a question asking the best way to change a light bulb.
3 to suggest (within ten seconds) for the original poster to use the "search" feature for the answer.
2 (Brad Mangin, Robert Hanashiro, or probably both) to offer up links to related articles in the archives.
1 to change the lightbulb and to post that the lightbulb has been changed and to check out their gallery.
4 to offer that they have had lightbulb changes in the past few days and to check their hidden galleries and request critiques.
5 to post critiques ranging from the lightbulb is "too tight" or "too loose", or "too dark" or "too light".
3 to ask the original changer what brand of bulb he uses.
5 to argue the merits of the various brands of bulbs.
4 to say they have recently switched brands and are happy.
3 to say they have recently switched brands and are unhappy.
1 to ask whether or not this is a good time to switch brands.
2 to point out that most pros at the Lightbulb Olympics were using one brand.
2 to then criticize those posters for turning another thread in to a "Brand vs. Brand" argument.
1 to ask "didn't we just go through this?"
3 students to post that they really want to know what brand is better, and isn't that what the message board is for?"
2 to offer that arguments like this are what is driving the pro light bulb changers away from the boards.
8 to post nonsense so that the thread will reach it's maximum of 50 posts as quickly as possible.
1 to get the elusive, yet somehow obtainable "51st post".
4 to resurrect the thread using the headers "Lightbulbs 2", "Lightbulbs II" or "More Lightbulbs".
2 to call the pros "babies" for bailing on the website.
2 to criticize the criticizer, insinuating that he or she is a hack because they change youth lightbulbs.
1 to say he was being sarcastic, and he should have known that sarcasm doesn't come through on the Internet.
4 to whine that while they are sorry they aren't "pro" lightbulb changers, they still have a right to know.
1,112 to then silently view the portfolios of the criticizers, making their own judgments.
10 national editors to silently cross names off of their mental lists of potential lightbulb changers.
1 to claim that this type of arguing is ruining what once was a great website.
4 to complain that they're just wanting a chance, any chance, to change a light bulb.
2 to long for the "good old days".
4 to call for everyone to "chill out" and "return to civility".
1 to quote Rodney King's "Can't we all get along?"
2 to correct the King's quote.
3 to post they all have to change lightbulbs in the coming weeks.
5 to thank everyone for returning to civility and promise to uphold the ideals of the website.
7 to post in the Classified section that they are available to change lightbulbs in their region, should anyone need.
4 to offer to assist Robert Seale, Robert Beck, Robert Hanashiro or any other "big name" pro for free.
1 (pro) to tell them to get off their computers and to go change some lightbulbs.

Okay, geeks, that's it for this month. Send your rants, as usual, to

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