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|| SportsShooter.com: News Item: Posted 2004-06-30
Photodude: 'So many questions, so little time.'
The Photodude returns from a two-month hiatus in which he played professional Dodgeball overseas in Europe, stunt doubled for Brad Pitt in "Troy", proofread Bill Clinton's memoirs, and posed nude for an Australian "fine art" magazine. But now he's back and he's mad. Angrier than Shaq in a Laker uniform. Angrier than Stevie Williams looking down the barrel of some fan's point-and-shoot. Angrier than...well, you get the point.
I'm back. And I'm a little pissed off. Why? I come back from a couple of months and find my "inbox" stuffed emails ranging from "inspired" to "insipid" and Grover, Brad, Jason, Joe and Bert won't give me the space to answer them all.
"Dear Photodude, which is better Canon or Nikon?"
"Dear Photodude, what should I do with my life?"
"Dear Photodude, why can't I get a date?"
"Dear Photodude, where can I buy Cliff's Notes for "The DaVinci Code"?
So many questions, so little time.
In order to save space, this month you just get my answers. You figure out the questions.
-- Why the hell CAN'T there be an ongoing message thread about Canon vs. Nikon? It's not an argument that gets old. Doesn't it, in fact, get NEW every few weeks with NEW announcements and NEW firmware and software upgrades? Isn't this a photography site? Did I really come back to the states to read that some of you are too snotty to allow a Canon vs. Nikon debate but want to argue boxers vs. briefs?
-- That said, boxer briefs.
-- Was I the only one to notice Sportsshooter Rob Dicker had an opinion on "boxers vs. briefs"? Nick Short weighed in as well. You could look it up.
-- (Do I really need to explain that last one to you? "Boxers...briefs...Dicker...Short..." Oh, never mind.)
-- Jerry Buss is taking a huge risk keeping Kobe at the expense of Phil, Shaq, and the rest. Kobe is an immense talent, but watching that guy jack up ridiculous 35-footers or go one-on-four would drive me crazy if I were a Lakers fan. Except when he makes them.
-- You're already answering in your own mind, aren't you? Yes, "crazy" and "Lakers fan" are redundant.
-- The prosecutors in the Kobe case appear to be as overmatched as the Pistons looked to be on June 5. Just saying.
-- If you don't read the instruction manual on your new pro camera and ask a stupid basic question in front of the world, you deserve to get ridiculed. Yes, you do. Take it like a man.
-- Back to Canon vs. Nikon ... here are some Canon guys for you: Nachtwey, Laforet, Gruber, Beck, Peter Read Miller, McDonough, Mangin, Hanashiro. Not an endorsement, many of those guys used to be Nikon users. Their employers made the choice for them in some cases. I'm just pointing it out to you. And no, I don't imagine they argue one vs. the other all the time. And, they could kick your ass with a disposable digital camera.
-- (Note to MJT -- it sucks, I know. But you could paint your Canon lenses black like one notable pro does...)
-- Regarding Tiger and Stevie Williams. I could go on and on about this. In the words of Steve Martin's character in "Bringin' Down the House"..., Tiger is 'STRAIGHT TRIPPIN'. Yes, Tiger is in denial about the state of his golf game..."I'm so close", he says. CLOSE TO MISSING THE CUT AT THE OPEN. Yes, Tiger should keep control of his caddie better. But let's get right down to it: if great golf shooters like Mr. Vuich, Mr. Beck, Mr. Gund and Mr. Condon explain how covering major golf works, do you really feel like your experience shooting mini-golf at the local amusement center qualifies you to tell them they should have Steve Williams arrested? Or that they should get into a physical confrontation with him?
-- Is it just me or are the message boards often some kind of bizarro alter-world? One where common sense hides like Osama bin Laden, for just as long, and equally as well?
-- Just changed my mind. Sportsshooter.com message boards are a lot more like Las Vegas. Fun to visit, wouldn't want to live there. But when you go there (either the message boards or Vegas) you're likely to have fun just looking around, without actually having to sit at a table and embarrass yourself. But if you WANT to embarrass yourself, there are plenty of opportunities. And likely, you'll run into some loudmouths who have no idea what they're talking about, some others lying under the radar just making a killing.
-- One advantage to Las Vegas over the message boards: Topless swimming pools (Grover, are you listening? I can see the URL now...sportsshooter.com/toplesspoolcam/html ...Grover? Can you hear me now?)
-- In case you missed it, Ray Charles passed away during "Day 17, Death of an Ex-President, Continuing Live Coverage". When he died, America lost a treasure (Charles, not Reagan -- just kidding, Rush...). One of the only good things to come out of the 9/11 tragedy was some ballparks began playing his version of "America the Beautiful" during the seventh inning stretch. Then baseball, as usual, did the wrong thing and mandated that the teams all play "God Bless America". Hey Bud, here's an idea, work on the steroids thing, leave the music to the teams, huh?
-- Isn't "America the Beautiful" a better song than "God Bless America"? Both are two-touchdown favorites over the "Star Spangled Banner". And no, Toby Keith's "How Ya Like Me Now?" doesn't get a vote.
-- By the way, feel free to argue politics and religion. Democracy was built on the ability to disagree. Yes, even over your underwear.
-- Say it Ain't So, Barry. I don't care about Tim Montgomery, Marion Jones, or even Lance Armstrong. But the greatest player of our time using steroids? That'd be like a President lying under oath...or having an affair. Wait. Never mind.
-- Confidential to WL -- NEVER sacrifice your love life for your career. Your career won't share a bottle of wine with you on a mountaintop, nor will it hold your hair out of the way when you're vomiting from either drunkenness or morning sickness. Remember what the man said: "Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat".
-- Note to the Canucks -- wait for the month before the Luau. The Kahuna and Mongo will have ALL the hot spots wired for you in SoCal.
-- Lastly: If you have ask if you're a "pro", you probably aren't. On second thought, not "probably". You just aren't.
That's it for now. I'm out. Keep those cards and letters coming.
The opinions of the Photodude are not representative of Sports Shooter, Canon, Nikon, Las Vegas, or the Topless Swimming Pool Ad Council.
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