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|| SportsShooter.com: News Item: Posted 2004-01-29
Photodude: The Game of Love
After helping Michelle Wie prepare for the Sony Open and providing "couples counseling" for Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, the Photodude returns this month. As Valentine's Day is fast approaching, he shares his take on love and romance.
To the mailbag we go (actually it's an email inbox):
I did okay with my girlfriend at Christmas --- got her one of those new, sexy little Canon SD-10 point-and-shoots, and since then she's hasn't been complaining about my long hours at work. But now, Valentine's Day is around the corner, and Apple isn't releasing those cute iPods until spring! If I don't come up big, I'm screwed (or not screwed, as the case may be).
What's a guy to do?
Stuck In Sad, Snowy Ypsilanti.
Ypsilanti -- the one in Michigan, or North Dakota? Doesn't matter, I guess, it's probably snowy in either or both.
Dude, here's your problemo --- you think you can buy love! Stupid-ass photographers, I swear. You guys think everything in the world can be solved by buying another damned piece of equipment! Hell, most of you try to buy your way into jobs by having the latest, greatest gear, when Sebastian Salgado is changing the world with a single lens.
Take this quiz to find out if you got ANY game whatsoever in the Game of Love:
1. You want to take your sweetheart to a nice Valentines Day dinner. You make reservations ...
a. The day after the BCS title game (5 pts)
b. Super Bowl Sunday (3pts)
c. From your car on the way to the restaurant (0 pts)
2. You want to really impress your sweetheart with a great dinner...
a. You take her to that cozy little Italian place where you had one of your first dates (5pts)
b. You take her to some place that got a good review in your paper, the one with the perfect balance of "stars" (quality) and "dollar signs" (money) (3pts)
c. You DON'T take her to the best restaurant in town, because you just ate there with some out-of-town shooters on expense account last week and they picked up the tab (0 pts)
3. You want to dress to impress, so you wear...
a. The outfit she bought you for Christmas, you know the one -- the one you hate because it makes you look like "all those other guys who make a lot of money and have real boring jobs as investment bankers and other real successful people" (5 pts)
b. The clothes you have on as you head to dinner, because you got home late because you "just had to tweak a few more images on the computer, honey " when you were really surfing the SportsShooter.com message boards. (3 pts)
c. Your photo vest. (0 pts) (-5 pts if you wore your photo vest to work)
4. You want to make romantic dinner conversation, so...
a. You tell her how beautiful she looks, how lucky you are to be with her, and much you love her (5 pts)
b. How much you appreciate her putting up with your long hours at work, and "oh, honey, by the way I've got a freelance job Saturday night so I won't be able to go Dave Matthews concert I promised you" (3 pts)
c. You tell her, "You know what I LOVE? I love the specs on the new Canon digital that's going to be announced soon ... I hear it's 8 megapixel, with a bigger buffer, and better low-light auto focusing -- -isn't that cool...and I'll be getting one as soon as they come out so, I guess I'm saying I won't be able to afford a ring for another year or two ... (0 pts)"
5. After some wine, a fine dinner and tantalizing dessert, you head back to your place for a little "socializing". To set the mood …
a. You light some candles, pour some wine and put some old Cowboy Junkies on the cd player (5pts)
b. You suggest "having a little fun" by taking naughty pictures of each other with the digital camera (3pts)
c. You spend so much time "chimping" each naughty picture that she falls asleep and you don't even notice (0 pts). (-5 pts if you're still wearing that damned vest!!!)
How did you do?
0-10 points -- "Still Life" -- Dude, get to work. Perhaps there should be a breakout on romance at the next Luau!
10-20 points -- "General News" -- Dude, not a complete photo geek, but still lacking.
20-25 points -- "Peak Action" -- Dude! You can compete with Jack Gruber and Wally Skalij in the next "Mr. SportsShooter" pageant!
Well, that's it for this month, dudes and dudettes.
Keep those emails coming to Photodude@Sportsshooter.com
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